i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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