it was like his penis was on wheels.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
