soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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