he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
