I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
