I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
