I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
