I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
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So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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