So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im holly from the hills drunk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
