She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
