it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
