im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
