Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
