my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
