I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
