i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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