New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
