my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
