Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
