Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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