grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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