Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
