how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
