so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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