The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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