I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
