you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
