i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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