I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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