i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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