Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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