I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
