just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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