My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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