shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
