After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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