somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
