Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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