i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
