Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
