Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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