dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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