i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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