we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
