legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
