You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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