Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
