How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
