And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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