Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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