I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
