This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
