Say something about gay babies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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