He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
