So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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