Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
