I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
