dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize