My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
