I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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