Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it hurts more in the daytime
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
