i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
