So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But break dance skills will only take you so far
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm really busy with my period
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