I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
