I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
