You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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